Dealing with parent conflict can be a coaches worst nightmare

If you are coaching any youth or junior sport therewill always without exception be an incident where you and the parents of the players will not see eye to eye.  Over the years, I have experienced some sniping on the sidelines, others feeling that they could do a better job, but never put themselves forward despite the bravado!  So for every coach what ever your sport, here are some ways which you can head these ‘problems’ off and some practical advice which we use annually...

The first thing to understand is that parents have a natural desire for their child to do well, and some can be quite vocal in expressing their views. It is vital as a manager that you are able to lead not only the children but the parents as well.

As coach you will have to demonstrate open and honest, fair and trustworthy behaviors, at the end of the day they are trusting their loved ones in your care and voluntarily you are taking a great responsibility, one that should not be under estimated.

Soccer players just want to play.

You should bring the parents along with you, so they become loyal and supportive and will be able to reinforce the skills, techniques, behaviors and attitudes that you are teaching the children. In doing so you will build a strong infrastructure and I have seen a strong link between this and the unity of the team.

The foundations for developing this bond with the parents should start right at the outset. If you are in the position of junior soccer coach then take charge, make decisions and provide clear leadership and direction from the very beginning.

Keep actively involved with the parents, most minor gripes if left unattended can become huge problems and sometimes very difficult to resolve if left to fester. This situation will only increase the pressure on you, distract you from your main role, that of coach, and will ultimately effect the behavior and performance of the team.

 At the beginning of the season a clear steer should be sent out the parents of what your objectives are for the season ahead and how you intend to fulfil these. Ideally a ‘contracting session’ should be held with the parents.

If this is your first season managing the team, whilst it may not appear to be, this is a tremendous opportunity to take control before any relationships are formed with any of the parents or children and you are completely impartial.

If a face to face session can’t be organized, then as a minimum a letter should be sent to all parents of new and existing players to ensure there is complete clarity of what you are trying to achieve, how this will be done and what support you require. If you are entering coaching in a club that has a consititition there will probably be a standard club policy, however in my experience when it comes to the beginning of the season many coaches are left to their own devices.

Don't be put off by pushy or aggressive parents.

Whether a contracting session or a letter, there are some fundamentals that should be covered, they are:

1) Background to the club

2) Your philosophy as coach (see related article Your Coaching Philosophy)

3) Training Sessions, where (indoor & outdoor arrangements), when and why

4) Subscriptions, match fees, player registration forms, photographs etc.

5) Time table of fixtures, friendliness, free days, tournament days (if known)

6) Meeting arrangements for away games

7) Procedures should a player be unable to attend practice or play in a match

8) Discipline

9) Players and Parents code of conduct

10) Match day formats including the use of substitutes etc

11) The Football Club as an organisation including President, Chairman, Secretary, Child Protection  Officer, Treasurer.

12) The Football Clubs administration such as its insurance policy, annual general meeting, manager’s forums etc.

This type of contracting we recommend at the pre season signing on session so that everyone has a clear outline on how you propose to manage the team for the forthcoming season. Any objections or clarity can be sought and dealt with before a ball is even kicked.

Now that's got to be good to reduce your blood pressure, stress and anxiety, hasn't it!